"Even when my flesh is sown, spent and sore, from this husk He will raise me to so much more. The resurrection hope, eternity of breath; the empty tomb crushes, reverses death."

Unpleasant exchange today, and the mercy for it

I had a rather unpleasant experience this evening which showed me a few things:

• as Annie put it really well in her testimony- people are messed up, and they continue to be messed up, even if they profess with their lips to be Christians.
• there really are all kinds of people who claim to be Christians, but Jesus was absolutely right when He said firstly, “by their fruit you shall know them” and “not all who call me ‘Lord, Lord’ are mine”
• it takes the Holy Spirit of God to save a sinner like me and keep me saved, and to help me continually overcome self-righteousness, arrogance, pride, bitterness
• I am woefully weak in my tolerance to opposition, and too easily affected by what others say. The words of Peter and James are good for me, and I stand rebuked - ‘consider it joy when you suffer for Christ’s sake,’ and ‘why are you surprised when the world persecutes you?’
• prayer is the secret fuel to anything that we do with words or actions. If we have not cried out to God in dependence, we have not relied primarily on God’s strength
• we need to pray for the lost and the lost hiding among the sheep. There are so many of them. While we should surely pray for the light of Christ to find them where they hide so that their sins may be exposed, perhaps we should also pray that God lovingly show them that they frankly, are not born again into Jesus Christ.

Finally, after tonight’s events, this the big question on my mind: do I have to have the right to say something is wrong if it is wrong, or is the act of you pointing out your right to individual choice just a smokescreen to hide the fact that it’s wrong? Or again, if the action you commit is wrong, must I have the right to point out it’s wrong for it to be truly wrong, or do I have to know you well enough to say it? We live in an era where people use their individual rights and freedom of expression in order to mask their blatant errors and hide their defective character. What an insidious and dangerous world we live in.

I pray that by God’s grace, in my actions, I have upheld the Word of Christ in Eph 4:1 “I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:1-3 ESV) or again, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29 ESV) Surely Eph 4:29 is a must-memorize verse for those who struggle with online communications. 

These really are evil days, when the world looks like the church and so much of the church looks like the world. “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” (Ephesians 5:15-17 ESV) Oh, how we need the wisdom of God to make us like Christ Jesus. 

This then, is what we must surely do: “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.” (Ephesians 6:10 ESV)

—-

Heavenly Father, as I come before You at the end of this day, I thank You for Your mercies which have sustained me through this day. I remember that Your Word is truth and the sum of Your Word is the rule by which we are to live our lives. I reconsecrate myself to You in obedience to You. I confess that I struggle with pride and self-righteousness, and I have judged others with the plank in my eye while I gawk the speck in others’. I have not acted wisely, and I have trusted in my own strength, failing to see that in Christ Jesus I have all things needed for life and godliness. I have not called upon Your resources for wisdom and strength, and I confess my lack of dependence upon You, Holy Spirit. Forgive me for Jesus’ sake and have mercy upon me. I thank You for the work of Your Son, who in the garden fought against pride and idolatry and prayed, “Not my will but Yours be done”, thereby fighting idolatry and winning on my behalf. I thank You that in the Great Exchange of the gospel, by faith, we can rest upon His finished work in our place. I pray for my brother with whom I had the exchange this evening and I ask that in his life, Your will be done. Most of all, Lord, have mercy upon him and open his eyes to the sinfulness of his heart and the wretchedness of his life. Show him his foul speech, his retaliatory ways, his prideful attitude and bitter condition of soul. I ask that you do a work in his life to draw him to You, that he may find in You, hope and health and salvation and all his good. I pray that You continue to satisfy me with Yourself, and that You cause me to change and become more like Jesus. Strengthen me to be faithful to You and help me not to bruise quite so easily, but instead, be tougher for Your service. Help me to leave these thoughts behind, but to surrender them to You, for You are the Sovereign Lord and You will do as You deem fit, paying back those who sin against You what they need to, unless they by faith, turn to Jesus Christ for their salvation. I thank You for what YOu have taught me today, cause me to rest in You I pray. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Values without a Valuator

Of late, values-driven education have become the watchword on everyone’s lips. We talk about the need to educate ‘this young generation’ (as if this were the only one in need of values education). According to the mainstream narrative, the young of today have no moral core, and are in desperate need of a grounding in order to stabilize society. Examples like the recent London looting incidents, the now-eerily silent Occupy movement, and other nihilistic actions propelled by the young, along with oft-cited instances of the apathetic and amoral young who are labelled inconsiderate, disrespectful, antisocial, self-centered and self-absorbed have become powerful rhetorical bases for shifting towards a values based education. 

At the same time, practitioners will also say that while they understand the larger need for such thrusts and programs, they do not feel comfortable imposing moral values on the young. Instead, the preference is for educators to ‘guide’ and ‘counsel’ the youth of today to discover their own morals and value-system, but never to forcefully transmit or transfer one’s own beliefs, which after all, in our increasingly pluralistic society, is imposition, or tyranny. As a result, we seek only to share those values which ‘all’ can agree on, and are useful for our national societal program. Namely, these are ‘accepted’ and ‘normalized’ values which we can all accept, or at least, most of us anyway. As a result, broad and vague ideals such as integrity, honesty, courage, considerateness for others, civic-mindedness, respect, resilience, diligence, national pride et cetera, are literally becoming a curriculum for the young of today in a character-based education.

How should a Christian respond? It was Tertullian who famously said, “What does Athens have to do with Jerusalem?” I find it difficult to reconcile the consistency of a values-based education with respecting inherent religious differences. After all, when the Bible talks about ‘character’, we do not mean something that everyone can agree with. In one sense, Jesus did not have integrity, honesty, courage, considerateness for others, or civic-mindedness the way that the world would like him to have - this is how the post-Enlightenment civic religion program boxes faith into bite-size, domesticated, safe models of its own making. While we can and should pursue these values, we need to expose and recognize the spiritual bankruptcy in such efforts.

I want to talk about the one that I hear the most about and the one that I’m most confused by: integrity. 

There is no integrity that you can have until you talk about the basis for what you would like to be consistent with. The word ‘integrity’ was originally used of buildings and architecture, when one would talk about the structural integrity and safety of a building by its consistency throughout. When a structure had regular consistency of strength throughout, you could say it had ‘integrity’. When transferred to our lives, integrity means having the same consistency of moral fibre you do in one sector, as another.

Christians call this living coram Deo, or before the face of God in every arena of life. An example of this is in James when it shows us the perfect standard of the moral law for our lives, “For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it.” (James 2:10 ESV) Christian integrity thus means, living ones’ life in the same manner regardless of where you are, who you’re with, or whether or not anyone is looking. Again, the Scripture illustrates this because of our omniscient, all-knowing God, “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.” (Matthew 6:1 ESV). This is the call, and it arises from an understanding that we stand under accountability to an omniscient Spirit who is our judge.

Without that accountability, what motivation do we offer to the young for integrity? Why bother, they ask us? And we have no good reason. Integrity of life can only arise with a stable, transcendent, eternal moral code that is governed and defined by a force beyond yourself. What are we calling our young to have integrity to? According to what principles, definitions, superstructure should they be submitting to, complying with? And what promise do we make to them for doing so? Should we wonder then, that the young (and not just the young,) do not have a sense of integrity when they have no good reason to do so except fear of getting caught? Integrity depends on that with which we have integrity to. 

Put it another way, you cannot have eternal, abiding, lasting values without a valuator. For years now, we have tried to build a society upon Kantian notions of an assumed moral core, a world where right and wrong is intuitively held because it is tacitly taken for granted. Now we are seeing, oddly enough, that perhaps Kant was wrong. Consider what Edmund Burke wrote when he argued persuasively for his generation that “religion is the basis for civic society” because it aided in the emptying of the lust of the selfish will of the individual. What is the solution? I have no idea other than the simple fact that in our churches, those of us who speak to the Eternal King over all nations, need to pray for mercy over our land. 

But I can tell you one thing, you cannot have abiding, lasting values without a Valuator. At best, they are mere preferences, and we cannot call others to hold to them without a degree of hypocrisy, since at best, they are OUR preferences, and we are insisting that others comply with our likes or dislikes. We cannot call them evil, or wrong, or wicked, or vile. They are at best, different, variants, preferences, norms, societally-agreed standards, temporary, and thus, optional. I am not, of course, saying that only the religious can be moral, since as the Bible teaches me, there are many other moral people than me, or Christians for that matter, who are the “worst” and “foolish” and weak things of the world. But there is no good reason to be moral apart from God. And this is why without a Valuator of our values, our values, no matter how insisted and programmatized by the state, will never succeed.

ST Lifestyle: Questions for grandma by Rachel Chang

Two weeks ago, my grandmother died. She was 78. She had suffered several strokes over a decade and had been bed-ridden for a long time.

The last time I remember her being fully present was in my teens. Although I know she loomed large in our childhoods, the years have blurred my memories.

During the wake, I struggled to form a picture of the woman we were mourning. I could see in my grandfather and my mother’s faces the loss they endured, but who was this woman so close and yet so distant from me?

I wanted to imagine my Po Po’s life, to know, however third-handedly, what she was like. What she loved, what moved her, what events shaped her.

Was she a dog person? (Surely, as matriarch of this bunch) What was her favourite food? What adjectives would people use to describe her - both in her presence and out of earshot?

Her long illness had robbed me of the chance to ask her myself. Or, to put it another way, her deterioration set in before I began to be interested in those around me whom, because and in spite of their unconditional love, I took for granted.

My father told me that she was illiterate in both English and Chinese. It seemed like something I should have already known.

How did she get around? I marvelled. It wasn’t that she was a docile women who never left the house. On the contrary, during periods of upheaval, she provided for my mother and her three siblings. She was fiercely self-sufficient.

Some of her friends talked laughingly of her mahjong prowess. Although illiterate, this was a woman who could tell you, in a heartbeat, who owed what and how much after a round.

But by and large, my picture remained unformed. Ten years is a long time. And those whose memories stayed the sharpest were inarticulate with grief.

What I inadvertently got was the chance to colour in some other figures. During those long days and nights at the wake, in the company of cousins I had grown up with but now barely saw, there was no way to escape my grandfather’s and our parents’ tales. Strangely enough, I realised that I didn’t want to.

In the movie of my grandfather’s life, I would cast Andy Lau.

He was a policeman in the 1950s, a ‘licensed gangster,’ as he put it. Then, the triads ruled Chinatown, and young men like him could either join them or join those trying to control them.

A gun enthusiast, he took bad-assery seriously - walking around town with two pistols and four handcuffs.

(They were issued two pairs of handcuffs, but he bought the extra two with his own money just because that was how he rolled.)

Charming and quick-witted, he would get away with flouting the rules by sweet-talking then-police commissioner Nigel Morris.

Once, he got into a fight with the laundry man of then-assistant chief minister M. P. D. Nair. He won, naturally.

So many figures from my parents’ past showed up at my grandmother’s wake. Question begot question.

Chain-smoking auntie with tattooed husband? My mother’s cousin, who used to beat her up when they were kids. Random long-lost church friend? ‘Stingy man - if you owed him 10 cents, he would remind you,’ was my father’s verdict.

I could go on. But I know that you, dear reader, could not care less. It was how I felt in the past, when I was more concerned with how my own life might unfold than with the paths that brought me into existence.

Parents get such a raw deal. Once you have a kid, or a grandkid, your devotion to them is immediate and absolute, your interest in every aspect of their lives unwavering - even if they are completely dismissive of yours, or assume that nothing important happened to you before their birth.

During the wake, my cousins and I peppered our grandfather and parents with questions about their lives, our past. Every answer was revelatory but familiar, like something long-missing fitting into place.

I wish I had asked my grandmother more questions when she was alive. Not for her sake, because I know she didn’t mind, but for mine.

What are your favourite foods? Are you a dog person? What dreams did you have to give up along the way?

Did you wish that you knew how to read and write? Would it surprise you to know that your grandchildren are poets and writers; did you know that those genes were in you all along?

I wish I had asked her more questions when she was alive. Then she would still be within my reach now.

Three quotes that describe today (Sunday)

“I just want to finish well.”

“Revelation and insight have been given to you. It can be both a blessing and a curse.”

“We need to pray like we need air.”

Endure the sun

Crushing weights are pressing down
The piercing, biting sharpened crown
The memory of a broken heart
Strewn fragments, each a hundred parts
I see smiles that used to shine
I see memories that aren’t quite mine.
The beams that weigh a thousand tons
Press hard on me, in scorching sun
I am looking ahead, past this load
To the promised, precious, shining gold.
But it is that one true hope that cuts
Into the soul that seems to put
Each day into a wrestling fighting bout
And still I find faith in each doubt.
Until I see what was not to be
I see what it all meant to me
And throwing self upon other Selves
I laugh and resound the ringing bells.
I pray and ask for faith and grace
I ask that He remove that taste.
But no, twas not the prayer to grant
And so, I will still continue to pant
And wait for that which may never come
And pray for faith to endure the sun. 

Unashamed of the gospel

In an era where kids don’t read - and it’s not just the kids - it’s people in general - who have lost the interest and habit of communing and enjoying the written word, conservative evangelicals, who put their faith in the power of the word, get nervous. Sociologists have been telling us for some time now, that with the advent of new technology and the power of media, and indeed, new media, the structure of our minds and brain practices have changed. With movies and image-saturated culture surrounding us and bombarding us from every corner, the written medium has been washed out, drowned out, and rendered impotent if at best, a relic of a distant past. How will the message of the Gospel go out in a generation that can’t find the mental determination to sit down and process words, much less 66 books of God’s self-disclosure through His Son? How will the convicting, soul-stirring power of the Scripture strike at our hearts when it puts us to sleep when passing through our eyes? Has the God of the Word become the forgotten God?

Apparently, we should have seen the signs coming. We have been warned again and again about the appalling biblical literacy of our youth. We have been warned about the need to make our bible studies and youth ministries interesting, attention-grabbing and hands-on, if not, in tune with ‘the culture’. But it’s not just the youth, as though we could slide the entire predicament into some kind of simplified attack on a generational defect of the young. No, the seeker-friendly movement reeked of the same analysis, that the written word and the preached word no longer had power, and failed to draw, so we had to repackage the service in order to appeal, in order to attract. The same thing is true for churches who abandoned their posts to feature videos, skits, and other media to entertain if not, inspire (another sad word) instead of convict, teach, instruct and proclaim the deeds and ways of the living God.

Or perhaps this is true of our worship culture? The songs we sing feature massive repetition and bugglegum prayers turned into pithy sayings. Our hymns have become dense and incomprehensible, we are told, and at best, the language is archaic and foreign. Too many metaphors, vocabulary too unfamiliar- although much of our figurative language takes its bearing from the more pictorial sections of the Scripture, like the prophets. Oh by the way, we stopped reading them too. How much of our inability to understand or emote through the hymns simply reflect our inability to understand them? Could the problem be a simple one of having poor command of language? Perhaps so. 

One can get discouraged in an era where the written word is the forgotten word, and the Word of God simply, cannot be understood. But all is not lost.

After all, Jesus Christ entered into an incomprehensible world to make mysteries plain, and make other plain things mysteries. He spoke in parables precisely because they could be understood, and yet, they were still befuddling to some. “He who has an ear, let him hear,” He used to say. In the incarnation of the true Word of the Father, the infinite become finite, the unintelligible became telligible, the divine became mortal, and the mystery became a clear message. When the Word, that immortal spirit clothed Himself in flesh, He crossed a thousand barriers of translation, transliteration, transculturation and transmission in order to fulfill and preach the Gospel of Himself. 

Thabiti Anyabwile’s sermon at T4G 2012 was helpful in reminding me to put my trust in the Gospel. God in His kindness, tells me again and again, because I am daft, “Put it HERE.” Do not look to clever manipulation or profound sociology. Do not look to intelligent plans or pithy sayings. Do not even look to boggling theology or complex social forces. Do not look to latest fads and effective techniques. Do not look to faithful men or reliable forces. Do not look to classic books or generous supporters. Instead, look to the power of the Gospel to get the job done. Are you weak and heavy-laden? Take it to the Lord of the Word, to the Lord of the Gospel and He will deal with it. It is His work. 

Oh how I need to repent of my good deeds and best intentions. I will make a pile of all my righteousness and set them next to a pile of my worst sins and flee them both to Christ.

Is this an era where kids don’t read? Just love and preach the gospel. Is this an era where moral absolutes give way to postmodern uncertainties? Just love and preach the gospel. Is this an era where human cruelty thrives? Just love and preach the gospel. Is this an era where plural challenges of religions compete with God’s work in the world? Just love and preach the gospel. Are we under attack from Satan raging and raging against the church? Just love and preach the gospel. Are we confused, uncertain, and wasting away as we are pressed, struck down and opposed? Just love and preach the gospel. Are we poor, needy, unappreciated, forgotten, alone, anguished, bereaved, sick, unfruitful and struggling? Just love and preach the gospel. 

I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for the salvation for everyone who believes…

Happy 26th Birthday to me

It’s been some time since I last sat down to write, but as tonight winds down, I feel compelled to pen some thoughts down. 

I just got home around midnight and got a shock of my life when I opened the door and saw tons of balloons all over my room, along with wall decorations, my bed made (!) and a balloon face sitting on my pillow. Obviously, the church kids had come through and livened up my already lovely room. Some of the more interesting things plastered on the wall include, “Get behind me, Satan”, “you are the prostitute the king loves”, “don’t leave me hangin’”, quotations from the Scripture about calebites and “Caleb, God’s faithful servant”, drawings of different kinds…a real blessing and work of affection and love. 

This last year has not been easy, what with a fair share of ups and downs, toil and turmoil. Even the last month, being under ‘suspicion’ and ‘investigation’ has been nothing short of stressful and tiresome. It has tested my faith and trust in the Lord Almighty, and His plans for my life. I’ve had to do plenty of surrendering and repenting, lamenting and submitting. There was bereavement and rejection, misdirection, betrayal, being forgotten and a host of other disappointments. But there have also been baptisms, conversions, encouragements, triumphs, progressions, celebrations, communions, marriages, births, and all manner of graces showered by God. This birthday was an occasion to pause and think upon what God has been working in me. Eph 2:10 reminds me of the good works that He prepared in advance for me to do, and it has been an occasion to consider, pause and meditate on that. What has the Lord been doing in me this last year? 

Also, I’ve been reminded of how much He has soaked me in blessing. At YA CG the kids also pulled another fast one on me - producing a beautifully rich chocolate cake that I shared with Ngiamo (who mockingly told me, “I’m 22.”). At choir today, the choir also got me a tiramisu cake that was shared after rehearsal (LL took this amazing picture of Toshi packing the cake when Mdm was conducting, but it looks like he’s eating. Legendary picture…) And of course, the many messages, notes, facebook posts, of all the dear friends and family who blessed me with their well-wishes. If that were not enough, this year’s birthday has been capped off by what my family is calling “Bethany” or “Galadriel” depending on who you’re asking- that is, the name of my new beloved car! I consider myself incredibly blessed to have this kind of access and mobility. Surely this is God’s blessing and provision on my life, to have what I absolutely did not earn or merit. His grace and provision is so tremendous, I simply can’t account for the parental support, the financial provision, the opportunities and deals He provided - truly, every good gift comes from above.

And then there are the friends. Over all these years, there have been friends who come and go, but there have been a growing precious group that has become so dear to me. And while it’s easy to get lost in the past and think about sadder memories and past days, I hear God whispering in my ear, it’s time for new memories, remember? I am making all things new. Out with the old, in with the new. And that has become so clear. While devoting myself to ministry and service, there has been considerable loss and sacrifice in one sense, but God has been kind and good in providing and meeting all my needs in Christ Jesus. He knows exactly what and who I need, and when. It is my prayer too, that I have been a useful and helpful friend, loving and being there for others in times of trouble. I pray that the Lord make me a blessing, an instrument of peace in this world.

But most of all, I am so thankful for my walk with the Lord. This year has been a year of growing in the Scriptures and in His will. I have come to see how much I am in need of His renewing and transforming sanctifying power. Rom 1:16 continues to be my anchor verse - O, that the power of God in the gospel will be made more manifest in my soul. This year has been a year of faithfulness and gentleness, a year of becoming like God, and going deeper in His mercies. I think the secret of spiritual success has been a thirst for more of God in my life, constantly whispering in prayer, there must be more, show me more, O Lord, do it again! The thing I am the most grateful for has been the privilege to be called God’s child, adopted as an undeserving, rebellious orphan into the rich home of the King, His heir and darling not be my merit, but by His sheer kindness and love. And He showed His love for me when He sent His True Son to the dark banished torment of a lonely Cross, where for my sins and for my evil, He absorbed the full weight of that anguish and punishment, and He bought for me a lifetime of walking with the Lord. He was raised from the dead, that while Christ Jesus died for the death I should have died, the life He received when He was raised is also mine as I am raised with Him, having so been baptised into Him in death, dying to self, rising to newness of life. 

God’s grace has been shown so richly to me - I cannot speak of it well. This then, is my anthem and my prayer: